A matter of trust

Before you read any further know that what is to come is the ramblings of a nervous mother. There is no reason to panic but I would like to share a couple thoughts I have been having. I went to the doctor yesterday and she asked me how the baby was. I told her I haven't felt her move for a couple of days. So I was whisked away for a 30 minute time out on the baby monitor. I did feel her move some but not enough. So then we went for an ultrasound. The tech said she passed and all is well. We had to do a few things to get her to move, ( I noticed her breathing was slow). But the doctor said she is 100% healthy. Now why is it when she was cleared my worrying didn't stop, it just began. I know I am just entering the stage where I should feel her move consistently but it wasn't a huge worry until we failed the test. Now it seems to consume my thoughts. I push and massage my belly all the time, waiting for a hint of movement. My next appointment is Sept 30. Can I wait that long to make sure she is ok again? Am I turning into someone I don't want to be? I pride myself on the fact that I don't and refuse to be a nervous mother, but right now I can't help myself. It has been a long time since I have had to leave something this big in the hands of the Lord. My salvation was the first, my health, my life in other countries, but this by far seems the most difficult. My baby. Perhaps the death of my niece makes this more of a reality. I don't know. Perhaps I just have NEVER really given up total control of my life, just in parts that were easier. I am leaning towards the latter if I answer honestly. And sadly if I am even more honest, am not ready or in the position to do it. If I were where I should be spiritually I would say a prayer and attend to the piles and piles of boxes that are scattered about my house waiting to be unpacked. But all I want to do, is eat something sugary, lay on my side and wait for confirmation that she is moving. I thought throughout this pregnancy that I was holding Charlie loosely so that God could do what He wanted with all three of our lives. I guess that was easy when I knew everything was great. Now it isn't when there is doubt (by me not the doctor). So I guess in response to my ramblings I come to a request. Please pray that Charlie is 100% healthy. Also please pray that I would fully trust my God, and that I would lay my worries down once and for all. Or at least for today, and then I will tackle it again tomorrow.
On a lighter note, we have a bed again. I know that sleeping on an air-mattress for 3 days isn't so bad but my pregnant belly and sore arms and back say otherwise. The movers saved our air-mattress' life today. Death by safety pin would have been a slow and miserable way to go. But it seems only fair for the misery it caused me. Anywho it lives another day for out of town guests. Yay for beds and pillows, ooh and shower curtains as well.