and then there were 3: May 2015

     I write this post at the end of 4 days as a single mom. I confess it didn't go as swimmingly as I planned. I was tired, cranky, impatient, depressed, lazy and the list goes on. I found myself near tears over the disappointments of the weekend. Failed classes, failed to do lists. Utterly frustrated with the way things were in all aspects of my life. So I took a shower (which was long overdue) and decided I was going to change. But then I thought, what makes this time any different from my last post months ago, where I was declaring change? My failure is because I have lived in my own strength for far too long. I have thought happiness would come when we are out of debt, when I can have an hour to myself a day, when my business flourishes, when I am healthy AND skinny. These things are what I have been striving for and never accomplished. There are 3 reasons; 1) I have been 'trying' and I use that term very loosely (meaning not at all, just hoping these things would magically happen with very little effort) 2)I have been 'trying' in my own strength 3)THESE THINGS WILL NOT MAKE ME TRULY HAPPY!!!!!!!!! I have been looking in the wrong place for happiness, and happiness is not what I really want. Happiness is a finicky thing that comes and goes with life's circumstances. What I really want is Joy and Peace.
     Joy and Peace don't just happen. I am going to have to try (using the real definition of the word and not my definition as mentioned before). But my trying and striving has to look different this time, for both earthly and eternal goals. My striving is surrender. Surrendering all the things that I think I want in order to be happy. This time it is God Whom is going to accomplish and maintain my surrender. It is not my work but His. Phil 2:13 says "it is God that works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure." This doesn't get me off the hook from doing nothing. It means through the power of the Spirit, I empty myself completely so that He can fill and direct my mind, heart, desires and longings. This comes through obedience and fellowship by being in the Word and prayer. Constant fellowship will produce obedience. This is where my work is cut out for me. Developing a daily habit of spending time with God. Discipline- there isn't an ounce of it in me. I am weak and lazy and I will call on the POWER of the Spirit to enable me to develop this.
     As discipline is being worked out in my spiritual life, it is my prayer that it flows and shapes my physical life. Things that I know will better help me serve the Lord and do part of His revealed will that I know, just by my roles as a wife and mom. I am called to be a helpmate to my husband. That means I actually fulfill my duties at home so he doesn't have to. You know those lovely things like dishes, cooking, laundry, etc. Also as a mom to be loving, yet consistent with discipline and to be a teacher (though it doesn't have to look like school). This also means that if I want to do these things well I need to do my part to make sure that I physically can do these things. This means eating right, going to the gym, seeking active care for my thyroid, taking the oils & supplements that I know can help CONSISTENTLY. This is me being super open for accountability. If you have my number, check in, and ask me how its going. If I haven't posted bug me until I do. This will be my diary.
     You may ask how I am going to do this? I am wondering the same thing. For starters I will follow a daily schedule until it is routine. So let's just start with that. So welcome to my journey of absolute surrender to be Finally who I am in Christ.